Christmas in Louisiana

Happy Holidays!

Well, I was going to post some stories, but I've changed my mind. I'm feeling rather sweet for the moment. I've spent most of the day with T, visiting his mom. I'm still a bit bubbly, so instead of telling stories about work I think I'll do this instead. My favorite thing about Christmas is the music. I don't think any other type of music manages to cause tears and laughter simultaneously quite as well as any carol does. I'm not particularly religious but I love Christmas carols. So I wanted to share one of my favorites

Hope everyone has a great time celebrating! Peace, love and joy to y'all

Fruitcake never gets stale

We are so busy at the store I don't have time to breathe, much less think about anything besides the next thing I have to do. Still, sometimes stuff just sticks in my head. Like this:

Most Useless Purchase:
The elderly lady who bought Cliff Notes. First off, she asked me for "that book, you know, I think it was a love story, by Dan Tees. Someone told me about it a long time ago, must have been several years, and I want to read it. It's something about heaven and it's a funny love story." I finally figured out she meant Dante's Divine Comedy, but she had only ever heard of the first part, "the one about the fires." I figured that meant Inferno, so I told her we didn't have a copy on hand and I could order one for her. She said no, she really didn't want to read the whole book, was there a movie or a short version? Her grandchild told her there was a short version of all of those books, some kind of notes some people made. Yep, she wanted Cliff Notes for Inferno. While she was paying for that, she told me she wanted to know what the book was about, but she didn't feel like wasting all that time reading it. WTF??? She is so going on my list.

Free Advice for Drivers:

• Everyone here drives like a maniac, an idiot or an asshole. Get used to it. Your best bet is to figure out the most common habits and join in. Really, it's safer that way.
• Learn how a four way intersection with stop signs works. Hey, you're out in the boonies, we don't have many traffic lights in the woods. Please don't just sit at the intersection for 10 minutes. Racing through it without stopping isn't a good idea either, someone is gonna get hurt. Probably you.
• If you don't drive more than once a month the rest of the year, Christmas is not a good time to change. Call someone for a ride, walk, or stay your ass home. I watched some guy in a land barge block three lanes of traffic yesterday. On Main Street at noon. Trying to turn left as he came out of a parking lot. People got just a little upset.
• Shortcuts are not a good idea unless you are native to the area. Trust me on this.
• Low slung little sports cars are cute and fun to drive. However, they are a really, really bad idea for holidays in the country. They just don't work on gravel roads. There are potholes on these back roads you could lose a cow in, and that's during a dry spell. After two days of rain, those holes will swallow a car and look for seconds. Hope you kept up your AAA membership, you're gonna need it.

Favorite Holiday Music:
Every year, I have a different favorite. Last year it was Aaron Neville's Soulful Christmas. This year I'm enjoying Have a Merry South Louisiana Christmas. Various Louisiana artist singing genuine swamp pop Christmas carols. Think zydeco meets Bing Crosby, then throw in some blues, a dash of country and a pinch of rock. Like gumbo for your ears. This is a great album to listen to in the car. Turn it up and sing your heart out. The song that has stuck in my mind the most this year isn't on the album. I love Ray Charles' duet with Betty Carter Baby, It's Cold Outside. Not really a Christmas song, but perfect for winter and wonderful to hear anytime. Those two were artists and it shows. Here, have a listen

Ok, I'm ready for some cocoa and cookies now. Hugs to y'all.

O come all ye fruitcakes

Holidays bring out the best in people. And by best, I mean crazy as a cracked-out road lizard. Working in a book store sounds like a nice, quiet job, doesn't it?

I'm working on a list of Memorable Holiday Moments to post.

Creepiest Christmas Memory:
This happened at the very beginning of the holiday season. I was shelving some used paperbacks in the back of the store when I heard a guy say "Man, you smell good!" I turned around and there is a complete stranger standing behind me, sniffing. I guess my expression must have clued him in to how shocked I was, since he mumbled something and left. Hasn't been back either, so that's one Christmas gift checked off the list.

Most Amusing Customer:
The brunette who bought John Folse's After the Hunt cookbook for her in-laws. She said her FIL was an enthusiastic hunter so he would love the book. On the other hand, her MIL was going to be angry, since MIL would think getting a cookbook was an insult. "She's a terrible cook, but she doesn't know it. She thinks everything she cooks is delicious. So she will think I am saying she is a bad cook, which she totally is. I'm a good cook and I would love to get this book. She's a horrible cook and she won't even appreciate getting this." I asked her if her MIL was really that bad. Her reply: "She put mayonnaise in her lasagna once. She said she ran out of cheese and some other stuff so she just added mayo instead." Glad I don't have to eat Christmas dinner at that house!

I've got a few more stories and I'm sure with 5 days left 'til Christmas I'll have others to add.

All I want for Christmas...

Is a new hobby for T. Pyromania is no longer an option.
About 10 days before Thanksgiving, T tore his rotator cuff. We found out today the surgery won't be until the end of January. Followed by 6 weeks of immobilization and then therapy. He's going to be home for 2 or 3 more months.
Saturday I came home from work to see the driveway on fire. T decided he didn't like grass growing in the driveway, but instead of cutting it, he thought it would be better to burn it. So he raked all of the leaves and pine straw in the yard into neat piles on either side of the driveway, doused them and lit up. When I pulled up, he was standing between two lines of flames, grinning. I asked how the hell I was supposed to park my car and he says "Just drive through it." At least he was enjoying himself.
T works on pipelines, so most of the year he is on the road. Out of the last 12 months, he's been home maybe 30 days. I love seeing him, but after 48 hours of not working he is bored and looking for something to do. Somehow that ends up being whatever is going to inconvenience or upset me the most. Usually, it involves dousing something and setting it on fire. The patio, a stump which smoldered for a month, old papers he didn't think I needed and now the driveway. You name it, he's probably torched it.
Last night, he complained that my books and papers were scattered all over the house and offered to help me organize them. I'm praying I don't go home to a bonfire tonight.

He really, really needs a new hobby. One that is not going to aggravate the shoulder injury, but doesn't require him to sit still and be quiet. Any suggestions are welcome.
Or contributions to my legal defense fund.

Relaxing day

We spent the afternoon at my brother's house. The older brother with 4 kids. Lots of fun, lots of noise, lots of food.
What do you get when you mix 3 kids, 2 adults, 1 puppy and 2 Frisbees? Loads of fun, belly laughs, tackle and tickle fights, and sweat! I am beat but so relaxed. The Barbarian Horde always boosts my mood. T and I played with the Horde, my SIL and I cooked (she cooked, I watched), T and Brother sighted in a gun and we all had a great time.
Wonderful way to spend a sunny, warm (80 degrees) Sunday in December!

Exercising self control

Some days that is very, very difficult. A month or so ago, Boss Lady tells me that she won't be hiring any help for the holiday season. Oh yay. Last year, it took three of us and we were still overwhelmed. This year it's gonna be me and her, and she is busy with a baby and other stuff. So really, it will be/has been mostly me. No wonder I'm so loopy lately.
The day before Thanksgiving, she tells me I have a four day weekend because I won't get anymore time off until after New Year's Day. Of course, she waited until I was leaving for the day to tell me, as usual. She always waits until one of us is leaving to tell me something like this. Usually, she waits until 6 p.m. on Thursday to tell me I have Friday off because she will be out of town on Saturday. I've had to cancel plans a lot.
Yesterday, about 5:50 p.m. Boss Lady says something about being free Saturday since I would be working. First I'd heard that I was supposed to work Saturday. I told her I had already made plans so I couldn't be there. I said I could work Friday. She tells me she has stuff to do Saturday morning. The end result: I work Friday all day and half of Saturday. She says she'll be in around lunch time. Last time she said that, I didn't see her until 3 p.m. So today I reminded her that I needed to leave around midday tomorrow. She apparently was confused and thought I was working tomorrow afternoon. I'm pretty sure it's all straightened out now, but I guess I'll know for sure tomorrow morning.
Back to the holiday thing. Boss Lady told me she was planning to have two girls she knows help out. Mind you, neither knows how to use a register, look up books on the computer, calculate trade credits or what books go in which sections. So the only thing either of them can do is shelve books that I've stamped, sorted and placed on the appropriate aisles. Oh, and gift wrap. I've been waiting for these two kids to show up and I haven't seen them yet.
Today, I found out why I haven't seen the girls. Because they aren't coming. Both of them are too busy with school and other stuff. Boss Lady says neither will be able to help at all, probably not even with end of year inventory. Wonderful.
The last thing she told me today? "Don't forget, I'll be gone Tuesday through Friday of next week." But she is going to call someone and see if they can come at least one day next week and give me a hand, at least for part of the day. Thanks, really.

I really love my job, and Boss Lady isn't that bad. She just has a very unusual view of time. I suppose it could be worse, I do get that discount on all my books and anything else she decides to stock. I guess it all evens out. Eventually.
Pretty sure she is not going to be thrilled when I remind her that I will need a few days off for T's surgery. Which still hasn't been scheduled.

Update: When I got to the store on Saturday, Boss Lady had been there since 8. She fooled with stock and paper work for a while and I shelved and waited on customers. It was so dead I was able to catch up on shelving and do some other stuff. There were 3 Christmas parades in the area scheduled between 10 and 2, one of which was right down the street. Which meant that very little traffic passed. I think we had less than a dozen customers in 2 hours. So at 12:30 Boss Lady told me I could leave. Really, what was the point of making me get out of bed to work 3 hours? At least I had the afternoon off to go out to eat with T.

One damned thing after another

Let's see if I can do this. First, there was Thanksgiving. The Barbarian Horde decided to play football about 8 p.m. Since they didn't have enough barbarians for even one full team, it turned into Tackle Tag fairly quickly. I had a blast watching them, only took a few pics, I was laughing too hard. Here's one:Then it was Shadow's birthday on Nov 28th. Then T's birthday on Dec 1st. My dad's birthday is Dec 4th. Some of my family got together for Dad's birthday, and I took a few pictures. This one is my younger brother (aka Toothpick), his girlfriend and her son. My dad and his wife, the same day. Continuing the birthdays, Sarge is today, AC was yesterday, Toothpick is the 15th, Wes is the 18th, JJ is the 25th......I know I missed someone, I just can't remember who it is. In the midst of all of this, I am trying to get ready for Christmas, working waaay too many hours, and dealing with T. He has a torn rotator cuff which requires surgery. Soon. So, he is home for a while, with nothing to do. That's a bad thing. The gods only know what he will decide to fill his time with, but I can guarantee it's going to be unexpected. I'm just hoping he doesn't decide to reorganize my books again.
Just for grins, I thought I would include this picture to prove there are advantages to living in the boonies. This is part of my route to work: Pretty nice, huh? I think I am one of the few people who enjoys driving to work. When I compare my commute to my friends' all I can do is smile. I get to speed down empty back roads lined with trees and you guys get wall-to-wall, bumper-to-bumper traffic. It takes me 20 minutes to go 23 miles. Plus, I see things like hawks sitting on power lines and deer meandering across the road. By the way, there is so little traffic that I was able to park my car and stand in the middle of the road to take that picture.

One last thing. For fellow PAN fiends, here's my latest ugly chef sighting. Found this in Hell-mart and then tried to explain why I was giggling my head off to T. The funniest part was realizing that this is a FRENCH chef! Ugly chefs go international:Ok, I think I am as caught up as I can get. Maybe I will be able to find some time to actually post something good, but I am not counting on it.

Poetry.com

I recently submitted a second piece to Poetry.com. This one isn't entered into the big contest, since only one entry per 6 month period is allowed. I don't care, I just threw it out there anyway. Here it is:

Elegy

Contemplating freedom

spread my wings, and fly

so far away, gone

leave this pain

behind

Embrace the next

world, turn away

from the emptiness

of my present, the

grief of my past and

the despair of my

future

Such fragile bonds to

hold me here

staring at nothing

with my blind eyes

I liked it, and I ran it past a friend who understands grieving for a spouse. We e-mailed back and forth this afternoon about dealing with this. I wish I could do something more to help him, but I know there is absolutely nothing that helps. I'm just so lucky I have T, Wenchy-woman and Dad. So, my hope is that my buddy is doing a little better at the moment and that he will remember that I care about him, good days, bad days, even pain-in-the-ass days. Hugs to ya. Lots of hugs. And always a willing ear to listen.

Desires and dreams

Dreaming

Days,

craving your touch

Nights,

burning in your arms

Dreaming

of your embrace

Dawn wakes me

and you vanish like

a mist, leaving only

a haunting melody

a whispering sigh

to remember you

And I lie here alone

praying for night

Wondering if my dream lover

will find me again.

Distraction found

OK, HERE ARE YOUR WORDS OF ADVICE FOR TODAY...
Never,
Ever,
Ever
~EVER~
Under ANY Circumstance

Kiss A Monkey!!

Thanks Mz_Pitbull, I really needed that! (I always wanted a self-fellating monkey!)

I'm whining

I am, to be honest, unbearable when I don't feel well. Depending on how rough I feel, my attitude ranges from whiny all the way to homicidal. So don't bother reading any further unless whiny doesn't bother you much. Because today, I was pitifully whiny.
Here's why:
See the area marked "Maxillary"? Normally, that would be open, as in sinus cavity. Unless, of course, you've had so many sinus infections that it is scarred almost completely shut. Like me. Allergies and sinus problems are pretty common on both sides of my family. What that means for me is year-round misery, punctuated by episodes of severe pain and lots of doctor visits. I usually end up with a severe respiratory infection at least twice a year. Guess what time of year it is?
I woke up about 2 a.m. today with my head pounding so hard I had to doze sitting up. Yes, I took something. As a matter of fact, I took lots of something. The only thing the medicine helped me do was sleep through all my alarms so I was late for work. At this point, the pain has subsided a bit. Now it just feels like someone punched me in the eye, beat the inside of my head with a baseball bat and finished up by scrubbing the area behind my cheek and eye with steel wool. Believe me, that is an improvement. So, I will be calling my doctor to make an appointment, even though she and I both know exactly what's wrong, and I know word-for-word what she will tell me. Just as long as she writes a prescription, I am willing to listen to the lecture.
For the moment, however, I am going to go spend another 40 minutes under a hot shower, steaming my head open. And then find something to distract me until it's time for more pills.

Bad choices - but at least they provide amusement to others

I always wondered why people vandalize property. Especially when the vandal does something like spray painting their full name across the back of the police station. Somebody got dropped on his head too many times as a child. This one was a little different. If the police ever catch this guy, the attempts to identify him and prove his guilt are sure to be entertaining.
The second story is about yet another man caught in a public display of affection. His chosen love interest, however, was a mannequin. Personally, I think this one is the fault of the security guard, who should have respected a closed door.
The Smoking Gun has some of the most entertaining mug shots I've ever seen. Speaking of poor decision making skills, these folks' problems apparently started well before their arrests.

This last one sounded like a great idea. Anyone who has had to endure some of the spelling and grammar atrocities so prevalent today will probably cheer these guys on every step.

So I admit it, I'm a nerd

I really do like these tests. They make me laugh and give me something to do when I should be doing something productive.
I found this one on ...so I stabbed him in the head with a fork, a blog I truly enjoy. I found Fauve in Lola's blogroll on sweetened*taters. Also a good place to visit, Lola is very funny and smart.
Back to the test. The first time I took it, I scored a 57. The second time I was at home and not being interrupted and scored a 65. When I told T about it, he started laughing. He says I shouldn't need a test, since it's written all over me. Nice, huh?

I'm not the only one who likes these

Boss Lady has decided to carry a small selection of T-shirts at the bookstore. I thought it was a great idea when I saw the catalog. There was enough variety to have something for everyone. I saw multiple designs for every animal imaginable plus Native American, butterfly, funny and fantasy designs. So what does she get? Ten different tiger designs. I know they'll do well, this is LSU country, but I was hoping for more. She also ordered (in children's sizes only) puppies, kittens, seals, penguins and pink horses. Yeah, pink horses. So we now have 15 different designs and none of them are all that interesting.

She did offer to add any I wanted for myself to her order. So I ended up with a couple new ones:I wore the fairy one the other day, and every one I met asked where I got that shirt. When I said I got it through work, the next question was did the store have any more like it. So, I guess the next time Boss Lady makes it to the store, I'll let her know that there are quite a few people around here who would like fantasy or Celtic themed T-shirts. Maybe she will change her mind. Maybe.

I like these little tests

I was wandering around a little while ago and ran across a link on someone's blog. You click the link and get your personality analyzed according to how you draw a picture. I get a kick out of those things, so I clicked. I found it a little difficult to draw using my mouse, but since I'm not the least bit talented at drawing stuff, no big deal there. Anyway, this is the result of my analysis:

You tend to pursue many different activities simultaneously. When misfortune does happen, it doesn't actually dishearten you all that much.You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.You are creative, mentally active and industrious.You are ambitious and optimistic, determined to prove and advertise yourself.

Well, the first line is definitely true. The rest of it, I don't know. As for my drawing, if you look to the right it is just under the butterfly. Don't laugh too hard!

Little things

Ever notice, when you're having a bad day, sometimes the smallest things can change your whole outlook? A smile from a stranger, the light turning green as you reach the intersection, hearing a little kid giggling, your dog meeting you at the door or just standing in a patch of sunlight on a cloudy day.
I've finally learned to pay attention to the little things. Appreciating life's small joys has made dealing with the larger disappointments so much easier. It's amazing how much difference a call from a friend or a hug from one of the kids can make. Often, they don't even realize how much their actions affect me. So now I wonder, how many small things do I do in a day that make someone else feel better?
Enough, I hope.

I feel like I'm working in daycare

The highlight of my day (so far) was overhearing this conversation at the store:

#1: Quit shoving me!

#2: Well, you shoved me first!

#1: No I didn't, I was trying to catch you before you
fell!

#2: I wouldn't lose my balance if you weren't climbing
all over the top of me!

#1: I did not!

#2: You did!

It went downhill from there. The two participants were 70+ year old women. Who came in together. And looked so much alike they had to be related.

The other eye roll was for the lady who said "These were on the 2/$1 rack but I don't know if they are 50 cents each."

Good god people, WHY must you lick your fingers to count money? Do you really think I want to touch something you've spit on? Damn, that is just gross. And then you stop halfway through and lick your fingers again. I guess you have no idea how many disgusting little critters are all over that crumpled, stained 10 year old dollar bill.

I'm nominating all three for the list.

I swear I'm gonna puke on the next person who says "The customer is always right!" to me. No, you aren't right. L'Amour did not write Streets of Laredo, and we don't have to order anything you want. Some people walk in here with the worst attitudes. I try to be polite, but when you start cursing at me I'm going to turn around and walk away. Keep it up and you'll be removed from the premises. And I'll smile and wave bye-bye when the nice policeman takes you away!

Yeesh, some days it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

More real news

Pure laziness is what it is. So I'm doing news stories again, which of course I got from somewhere else. It was this or random thoughts and my randoms weren't very nice today. Which means a rant about work is coming real soon. Anyway, here's my version of important stuff people should know:

• Stop Alien Abductions! This has to be one of the funnier sites I've run across. I absolutely love the detailed instructions, complete with a list of needed skills. Also, as you can see, the writer included tool and material lists. I would try to make one of these, but anyone who has seen me with scissors knows how bad an idea that would be. I am going to try to find out more about this guy.
• Chocolate and the environment - Now this is something I consider important. I like chocolate, a lot. Which explains why I weigh more than I want. Get into a smaller size or have another Ghirardelli dark chocolate & mint square? Real easy choice for me. Hey, I'm helping the environment! I think I'll have two pieces.
• Multiple orgasms carried to the extreme - Thanks to GVI who posted a link to this story. I don't know whether I am sympathetic or jealous. I do know that I'd change career paths if I were this lady.

So now you know. I'm lazy and frivolous. Could be worse. I could be mean, arrogant, self-righteous and condescending. But that would take more energy than I am willing to expend.

This is the closest I get to real news

Remember when I said I am rarely serious? I was telling the gods' honest truth. The links in this post are about as close as I get to real news. My fellow d-hallers hopefully will appreciate the humor.

• I really think Lola and Wade should enter this contest. I wonder if the judges allow assless chaps. At least boxers are on the approved apparel list!
• This is for everyone who finds Google ads amusing. It's not about the ads themselves, but I did wonder what would happen if the glitch moved from matching photos with stories to matching ads to websites. I can only imagine stripper pole ads appearing on a conservative religious site. And Mishee, the word algorithms only appears once, but it's plural so does it count as more than one instance?
• After a discussion about coffee earlier today, I ran across a story about coffee condoms. I wonder if they come in New Orleans Blend Dark Roast?
• Criminals with sex toys? Not sure I want more details about why the appliance was tethered to the guy.
• Now this is what I call ironic. If you are such an asshole that even other assholes condemn you, maybe you should just stay home.

Okay, I'm done for the night. I have a really great book waiting for me. I'd like to at least start Laurell Hamilton's A Lick of Frost before bedtime. Or maybe not.

Free will

Choices

I bound my soul in

this prison of flesh

My choice to wear these chains

And now, contrary child, I

search for freedom

Release me

Loose my soul wings, I need

to fly again

Climb so high only to

dive and climb again

I strain against this

cord, strangling

my life and remember

to my shame, I

chose this

Shameless

Okay, normally, I am not the type to do this, but I can't help myself this time. Recently, I submitted one of my poems, Temptation, to poetry.com. I've been getting e-mails from them the last couple of weeks. The first one was a notification that I had been chosen as a Poet Fellow for 2007, and inviting me to join the Poet Fellows Society. And of course, I could purchase the pin and medal commemorating this event. I kinda shook my head, and thought "Yeah, whatever" and went on with my day. A day later, I got an e-mail saying Temptation had been selected to receive the Editor's Choice Award, and my poem would be in the next anthology. They also want to include it on the CD set. Again, I shook my head and did a "yeah, whatever". Poetry.com sent me the same e-mail a second time, then sent another one about getting a plaque and offering membership in the International Society of Poets.
Today, when I went to the mailbox, I found a letter from Poetry.com. They are definitely publishing my poem in an anthology. According to the letter, the anthology Immortal Verses will be available in winter 2008. I am also moving forward a step in the competition. So now I am excited. This is the first time I have ever submitted something I wrote, so this is a big deal to me. If you want to read what I submitted, click here. Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting in my chair, grinning. :D

Still laughing

My favorite reaction to the engagement thing so far has been from The Mexican Mama. She looked at the ring on my hand, then looked up and asked, "So, did you say yes?"
A few minutes later, we were talking about this being a third marriage for both T and me. The Mexican Mama says "Third time's the charm!" T grinned and said "Or else it's three strikes, you're OUT!" The Mexican looked over at me, laughed and said if I needed help knocking him out I should let her know. She calls T cabrón and smacks him every time she sees him.

BTW, The Mexican Mama is the one who started "The Mexican" thing, I just added in Mama because she is one of my adopted moms. So don't give me any grief over it. And her granddaughter's nickname is The Bean.

a week in pictures

Just because I can, I'm posting some pictures taken in the last week. I've gotta do something to justify all the playing around with a camera we've been doing! This is what has been going on since last Thursday: I hang out at Wenchy's house a lot. Wenchy is my best friend, mainly because she is more throwed off than I am. It's nice to be the normal one in a relationship! (Just joking girl, you know we are about even!)

My dad got married Saturday night. That's my dad (first from the left), his new wife Margie, and the Reverend and his wife. Rev and his wife are very sweet. That man is 89 and still preaches every Sunday! The next one is (from the left) me, Dad, Margie and Margie's grandson Colt.

Photo removed, sorry.
That's T. I've known him since I was 18. My older brother was married to his younger sister back then. After Shadow and JJ (his sister) died within months of each other, those of us left became closer. We all started making an effort to keep in touch. Somehow this developed into T and I dating. For the last two years, we've been a couple, and when he's not off working on pipelines, we live together. Which brings me to the last picture:

Yep, that's the ring T gave me last night! So, I'm getting married again.

I've gotten some pretty varied reactions from my loved ones. Wenchy-woman (the girlfriend)said "No fucking way!" over and over and then laughed her ass off. My brother (the one who was married to T's sister) said to tell T "Quit stalking me!" My dad laughed and my mom doesn't know yet. Haven't told the rest of the sibs yet either. Boss Lady got excited, and my friends say I should keep him just because he picks out pretty jewelry. Also, according to the friends, I should hang on to anyone brave enough to volunteer to live with me!

Anyway, that's the highlights of my last seven days. I've got more pics, but I think I'll save them for a day when I feel like talking about my family, in all their glorious weirdness.

Oh. My. God.

I got engaged last night!

Nobody ever said it was fair!

No One Gets Out Alive

A toss of the dice

The gods, rolling bones

As always, I lose

Place your bets

Play the game and

Take your chances

With Fate

Damn! Snake eyes

Better luck next time, pretty lady

So you ride the Wheel again

Always choosing

Always gambling

The ultimate game

Life

Just remember...

The gods cheat!

Justice in Pennsylvania?

Apparently, some of the people in Pennsylvania have lost their minds lately. The first two stories really upset me, so I was glad to see that at least some of these people were just loony, not power-maddened asses.

• In Philadelphia: Judge Teresa Carr Deni should be asked to step down. Her Dishonor decided that a defendant who participated in the gang rape of a woman should not be prosecuted for rape and assault. Instead, she held the guy on an armed robbery/theft of services charge, since his victim was a prostitute. Read Jill Porter's story, which includes an interview with Judge Deni.
• Scranton: Police charged a woman for cussing inside her house. Apparently, people in Penn. are not allowed to use profanity inside their homes. I want to know why the cop didn't get in trouble for hanging out under the lady's bathroom window.
• Pittsburgh: A woman is trapped under an SUV while spying on her husband.

Down Under High Jinks

Australian man survives nine-storey fall in his underpants
Well, at least it wasn't cigarette butts and beer bottles falling from the ninth story. Every apartment complex has at least one nut who can't help himself. Someone who is simply unable to pass up a chance to "skylark". Late at night, clad only in underwear, and possibly intoxicated.

Some people will put anything in their mouths

Especially when the person is an idiot. Why would a man take female hormones? Apparently, to make money and please his boss. What a moron. I put this in the same category as Larry-boy and the Pants man.

Things that made me smile today

This is Skye, my min pin. Doesn't she look sweet and innocent? On my pillow, in my reading chair. Like she owns the place of something. Gotta love a dog that's so convinced she is queen of the universe.

And this is the Tshirt I got. I collect shirts with slogans. I know, weird. But it's fun. Plus, I get to offend or amuse without ever opening my mouth. "Ascend Until Your Wings Catch Fire" Sounds great, but it also brings to mind Icarus. Maybe I should be cautious of large bodies of water.

Anyway, the best thing to make me smile all day was hearing from T. The Marion job is nearing completion and they may get some time off. Maybe, if everything works out. So I'm crossing my fingers and toes, hoping T's company decides to give him at least a week to come home. Also hoping T's time off doesn't coincide with Boss Lady's 10 days at the lake house. That would suck.

Excuse me while I vent

Tips for making your book shopping a more enjoyable experience:

1. Money goes in your wallet, not your bra, shoe, or the inside pocket of your workout shorts. I really don't want to touch any cash you have unearthed from some crevice on your body. If you withdraw funds from the First National Bank of Titty, I'm going to lay a napkin on the counter and tell you to put your money on that. I'm not going to touch it with bare skin. If you carry your money in your pocket and your job involves heavy sweating, wrap the money in a baggie, for god's sake!
2. Don't be a jerk. Pissing off the person who decides which books you can get trade credit on is a bad idea. Being nasty to the only person working is a guaranteed way to insure the minimum level of service. There are ways to be polite while not being helpful, and anyone who works in a store knows every way there is. Also, abusive language is a no-no, since Boss Lady says we can refuse service to people who go that route.
3. Don't bring in trash. We don't give credit for books with missing covers, loose pages, stains or nasty odors. Throw them away. If the book is old but not antique, we probably don't want it. If we can't sell the book to another customer, you aren't going to get credit for it. And don't argue or get mad because we won't take your junk. See tip #2.
4. Don't bring in your pets. We are not Pet Smart or Toys R Us. If you can't keep an eye on the dog or kids, leave them at home. If your pet makes a mess, clean it up. If I have to clean up your mess, I'm going to let you know about it.
5. Don't be an idiot. If you ask a question, listen to the answer. Third aisle on the left is not the same as second aisle on the right. If you wanted Woodiwiss and you're looking at Clancy, you weren't paying attention. Also, please have some idea of what you want before you come in. Never ask for "that weight loss book on TV" without having a little more info on it. Title, author or ISBN.
6. Don't pretend to be Boss Lady's best friend. I've already met her family and several of her friends. I know who is on her list of preferred customers. Trying to intimidate me into giving you a discount because you know my boss isn't going to work. Telling me "Dorie always did it" doesn't work either. First, Dorie doesn't work here anymore. Second, I asked Dorie and she said she never did that for you. So now you look like a liar, and a bad one at that.
7. Say thank you once in a damned while. If you spent an hour hunting down some off-the-wall book for someone you would expect them to say thanks. If you don't show at least a little appreciation, chances are the next time you come in no one will be willing to put any extra effort out for you.

My favorite customer today was the Seattle guy who heard me muttering "god, I need a cigarette" and told me he would take a break from shopping to go smoke with me. Mark goes on the list for the same reason. Reva, Mz Pitbull and Mrs. Lily always say thanks. Those ladies are wonderfully fun, courteous customers. Most of the rest need to shape the hell up.

Now I feel better.

Visions and dreams

This Burning Soul

Walk to my pyre proudly

Wearing my crown of fire and thorns

To be free of this ice

I have seached a thousand

years for this beginning

Flames rise behind my eyes

Serpent of fire

writhing in my soul

Flame of glory

burn away this prison of flesh

You see this burning soul

Don't pity me

I have found the secret

To burn is all I desire.

update - One would have been enough

There wasn't supposed to be any speculating. Apparently, there was no need to speculate:
More on the rubber suit wearing Baptist preacher from Alabama
This is supposed to be the unsanitized version of the medical examiner's report.

broken

"I've been picking up pieces of a broke down life"

That's what I feel like I've been doing for three years now. Most of the time, it's like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together with only half the pieces.

And something as simple as a line from a song heard in passing can bring it all back.

Three years ago, I lost 3 family members in 4 months. Shadow, JJ, and Tony. Husband, sister, father-in-law. Most of the time, I do OK. Every once in a while, I get blind-sided by some stupid, trivial little thing, and hit bottom again. Today was one of those times. I spent the day dealing with memories of Shadow, and thoughts of "never again" running through my mind. Putting a life back together when so much of it was shared with someone who has died is not an easy task. Finding pieces of me, accepting that certain pieces are gone forever, and trying to make new ones. I still don't know what the picture will look like, but at least I'm trying. Just not today.

One would have been enough

Alabama, Baptist preacher, rubber, bondage
but no speculating!

I didn't mean to...

Since somebody shared a little trip down memory lane involving reptiles, it got me thinking about my own memories. I once owned a red tailed boa named Cesar. I bought him from a 6' tall crazy burnout Alaskan chick. He had a few issues. Between the two of us, we managed to give the UPS guy a case of mental anguish.
When I was 18, I moved to Metairie. Way back then, I had a few bad habits. Like not wearing clothes once I got inside the apartment. And not worrying too much about answering the door bare assed naked if I knew who was on the other side. Everything was OK until the day I was waiting for my friend Russ to show up. When I heard someone knocking, I thought it was Russ so I just opened the door. It wasn't Russ. There stood the UPS guy, looking just a little suprised. But he was grinning, at least for the first 30 seconds. That brings me to the second (or third?) bad habit: letting Cesar the snake roam the apartment. See, I let him out when I was home alone. When I thought Russ was knocking, I picked Cesar up and draped him across my shoulders. He decided that he wanted to be wrapped around my head instead. I opened the door with a boa wrapped around my ponytail, his chin resting on my forehead. And then Cesar moved, the UPS guy realized the naked girl had a live snake on her head, and all hell broke loose. He screamed "It's alive", dropped the package, and took off at a dead run. Didn't even wait for me to sign for the package. The next time we got a package, some young guy brought it, said the previous guy told the boss he would never come back to the building even if they fired him. I started getting dressed to answer the door.
Sorry, UPS guy, where ever you are.

I think she knew

Sen. Larry Craig's wife contributed This Recipe to Congress Cooks! Larry thinks it's a great snack.

It's that time of year again

Paean

The land welcomes me

Earth Mother opens Her

arms to embrace this child

Life follows Her

rhythms and by Her

we are blessed

from the Goddess we

come and to Her we

shall return

Life to Life and

back again.

Maybe this piece would be more appropriate for Spring, but truthfully, I needed the reminder that Autumn is an important part of the cycle. Harvest, celebrate, and get ready to rest for winter. Honor those who are gone, and look toward renewal. It's not here yet, but everyday it's closer. You can't have life without death, harvest without planting. Autumn and winter are necessary for spring and summer. Besides, who can resist crunching through piles of leaves and lighting bonfires?

Playing with language

Do you know what chiasmus is? Nope, it's not a rare medical condition. Unless you consider humorous wordplay to be contagious. The following sentence is an example of chiasmus:
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. (Thank you Toby Keith)

I had never heard the term until I ran across a book titled Viva La Repartee! by Dr. Mardy Grothe. I enjoyed the book so much, I went to the associated website. From there, I found two more sites - chiasmus.com and oxymoronica.com.
Back to chiasmus. Chiasmus is defined as a reversal in the order of words in two otherwise parallel phrases. Take a look at the example above. See it? Once I had a definition, I found several more examples, sayings everyone is familiar with. "Quitters never win, winners never quit." I'm sure everyone has heard that one a time or two.

I enjoy wordplay, of any kind. This one however, fascinates me, simply because without knowing the word, I knew exactly what chiasmus was. Bet you did too.

just a quickie

Sometimes I have a really warped sense of humor. These two news stories gave me a chuckle.

Erotic Corn Dog Eating Contest - yes it exists. The end of the article was a little more serious. I really enjoyed the official statement of "We don't have anything to do with it" when the contest was held right outside the administration building for 4 years. It just means the fair's big hoo-ha enjoyed it until caught.

So Whaddya Think? - the last line just topped it all off. Plus, if the clerk didn't respond with somethin ala Bernadette from Pink Cadillac (It looks like a penis, only smaller), I'm thinking she should have.

Sometimes, I just have to share.

I tried, but...

I've been more scatter-brained than usual this week, so random thoughts it is.

Crime and Punishment:
I have very mixed feelings about capital punishment and the prison system. On the one hand, I think anyone who has been proven,without a doubt, to commit a crime should be punished. Crimes like premeditated murder, child molestation, and rape should be punishable by death, at the least. On the other hand, I don't automatically believe everyone who has been convicted of a crime is a waste of skin, scum of the earth, etc. I knew the author of this story very well, and I considered him to be extremely intelligent, generous and compassionate. He was also a stubborn, arrogant SOB. People commit crimes for a wide variety of reasons, so maybe we should all be a little less inclined to judge people on their pasts.

Religion:
I had another one of those "Yikes!" moments today. This one occurred when a customer invited me to "meet with a cell of like-minded individuals" at a local church. The phrase "cell of like-minded individuals" made me think of Klan meetings and milita groups. Since I seriously doubt the man has any idea what my beliefs actually are (I don't discuss my religious beliefs at work, since I mostly like my job), I just thanked him for the invitation, and redirected the conversation.

Politics:
Wouldn't you just know it? I got home one day last week, and I was really looking forward to a hot shower. I mean, really looking forward to it. So much so that there was a trail of clothes from the front door to the bathroom. Just as I found a clip to pin my hair up, somebody knocks on the door. By the time I threw on shorts and shirt and opened the door, the knocker had gone. But he left me a political flyer stuck on my door. Right under the "No Soliciting" sign. I guess everyone around here thinks the word soliciting only has to do with prostitution. Even if that were true, it would still apply in this case, since in my opinion, all politicians are whores anyway.

Sex:
I don't understand why people get so uptight about sex. It's the most enjoyable, and funniest, thing a person can do to or with another (or more, whatever rings your bell). That doesn't apply to non-consensual sex or child molestation, which are sick. But between consenting adults, of whatever gender and number, well, have a ball (or two)! Too many people worry way too damn much about others' sex lives. I pretty much don't care, if I am not the person sleeping with you, then it's none of my business. So, I would appreciate the same courtesy in return. Unless I'm among friends, and then, it depends on just how close we are. Feel free to tell me a raunchy joke or two, I love 'em!

There, I think I've hit most of the taboo subjects. Don't take it so serious, I don't.

funny, in a creepy sort of way

One of the regular customers at the store rushed in today, a little agitated, and talked to the owner. Since I was standing there, I got to hear the following conversation:

Bluehair Zealot: I came to tell you, you have to take all
of Grisham's stuff off the shelves! Right now!!

Boss Lady: Why?

Bluehair Zealot: Because I heard he had a fundraiser. And

it was for Hilary Clinton! So you have to get rid of his stuff!

Come on, I'll even help you! You just can't sell books by someone who supports Hilary Clinton!!!

Boss Lady managed to steer the bluehair into talking about where Hilary and Grisham are from, and then distracted her by showing her the new arrivals in christian fiction. At first, I was sort of amused, but thinking about it later, the incident gave me the willies. Banning a book because the author supposedly hosted a fundraiser for a political idiot? (I didn't bother to find out if he did or not, I couldn't care less.) That mentality scares me, and reminds me of the reason religious fanatics should be avoided.

time doesn't heal, you just become accustomed

Relict

The light has fled, your eyes are dim

my own are blind in sorrow

Heart bled dry, no tears remain

This pain too great for me to bear

Grief a burden I cannot endure

Your love was my light

your life the sun of my world

Now I live in the darkness of your death

Clinging to the shadows and shades

I search for some glimmer of you

a reason to continue my journey

and I find nothing.

Temptation

Your voice steals through

my soul

luring me from twilight dreams

Offering yourself to ease

my pain

Do you even understand

this seduction you play?

No games, no rules

no safety, no promises

Just the hint

of change, the idea

of passion, the chance

of peace

And if I accept, will you own

me, body and soul?

If so, will I like it?

remind me again why I thought this was a good idea

If I were in Illinois right now, I'd beat you with that damned laptop. Really. I am going to go hunt up the grapefruit spoons now, so I'm ready when you get home.


P.S. I love you


Don't ask, I might tell.

no, I'm not smiling

I work sooo hard at my job:

This is a picture I found recently, of Shadow and I just before we got married.

Goofing off in the dispatch office:

I thought I'd be lazy tonight :)

I like kids, I just don't like parents

Hey you! Yeah, you. The bitch who just walked into the store with two under- six -years -old kids. Did you somehow miss the large, BRIGHT YELLOW, sign that reads "Do Not Leave Your Children Unattended In The Store"? I guess, even though you stood right in front of it, you just couldn't see it. You just told both of your small children to go play with the kids' books while mommy finds herself something to read. Lady, this ain't a daycare. I am not a nanny. You are the parent, those kids are your responsibility. And you sent them to the children's section, right by the door. I found you on the last aisle on the other side of the store. I'm glad none of the local sex offenders shop here. What were you thinking?
To top it all off, when I caught your kids tearing the flaps out of a $20 pop-up book, and brought them to you, you decided to get an attitude with me. Bad idea. I tried to be nice, I really did. I thought it was very polite to tell you that we have an entire aisle of used children's books, and there are even boxes of Legos on that aisle. Your kids are more than welcome to play with the blocks and books on that aisle. Apparently, you didn't want your children anywhere near you, distracting you while you looked for a Danielle Steel you hadn't read. So, finally, I just told you the owner doesn't allow unattended children in the store and parents must accompany children to the children's new book section. And I walked away, before I punched you for being a stupid, rude, negligent jackass. So, you left the store in a huff, without buying anything. Fine with me, I let my boss know about it when she came in. Of course, we both know who you are. It's a small town, and you are memorable for all the wrong reasons. Next time, hire a babysitter, I just sell books. My sympathies are with your kids. I know they are rude and obnoxious. You taught them to be that way.

memories are hell

Inspired

One long kiss

I can taste

me on his mouth

and then

Hands pinned above my head

thighs 'round his waist

ah, god, incredible

skin so thin

I convulse as he breathes

mouth open, no breath to scream

and then

I hear my voice

begging, pleading for that

one little bite, that

sharp taste of pain to

make the pleasure all the sweeter

and I know it will send me

screaming, falling off the edge of the world

and then

hands along my body

lifting, turning

flipping me on my belly

so it begins again.

Yeah, I wrote that, for my husband, couple of years after we got married. He loved it. I still miss him, and I miss what we were together.

clutching patience in both hands

I work at a small book store. Normally, I love my job, but some days.....
This is an actual telephone call I received a few days ago:

Me: Book Nook. May I help you?
Him: Is this a book store?
Me: Yes, sir.
Him: Are y'all open?
Me: Yes, sir.
Him: Do you have a book?
Me: Yes, sir, we have many books. Did you have a particular one in mind?
Him: Well, I need a book.
Me: What book?
Him: I don't know the name, or who wrote it. I think it has apocalypse in the name.
Me: Sir, I need the title, author's name, or ISBN. Can you give me any more information?
Him: Can't you just look up apocalypse?
Me: I can, but apocalypse as a keyword brings up over 800 entries. And that's just what's currently in print. Can you remember anything else?
Him: Well, they wrote down the name of the man that wrote it, but I don't know how to say it.
Me: Oh, you have the author's name. Just spell it out for me then.
Him: C-R-O-U-C-H
Me: Crouch. Okay, I can search for books by someone named Crouch.
Him: I don't know how to say it.
Me: That's okay, you gave me the spelling. And here it is, I found a listing for Shadow of the Apocalypse by Paul Crouch. Sound like what your looking for?
Him: Maybe, but I don't know if that's how you say his name.
Me: Sir, would you like me to order this title for you? We don't have one in stock, but I can have it in a few days, and you can decide then if it is the one you want.
Him: Maybe, I guess.

After several minutes more, he finally ordered the book. I told him it would be in Friday afternoon, after 3 p.m. He started calling Friday morning about 10 to see if his book was in.
I left out all the ums, ahs, and you knows he used. Also, the long pauses while he looked for stuff. It was really frustrating while it happened, but after I got off the phone the whole situation became funny. At least until some guy walked in ten minutes later and said "So, is this a bookstore?" I said no, and walked off.

I'm starting a list of people who are just TSTL. He's the first one on it, but you can bet he won't be the last

baby steps

I haven't the faintest idea how long this is going to last. I may put stuff out here on a regular basis, and then again, I may not.
Since this is the place for my mental wanderings, there is no theme. There's no telling what's going to end up here. If someone else reads it, fine. If no one but me ever sees this, that's good too.
This digitalized reality is a very strange place. Some of it is scary, a lot of it is funny, and occasionally it's heart breaking. There's no map here, no warnings of "Here Be Dragons!". You just have to plunge in and hope you don't get eaten. The natives are restless, and you never know whether your next encounter will be with a cannibal, a chimera, or just another explorer out for a stroll. Sometimes you meet a friendly native who points you a little further along the way. I wouldn't want to live here, but visiting is certainly interesting, if not always fun.
I find that people out here will say anything, anytime, without regards to "real world" customs. We take on and put off masks so easily here. Being the person you wish you were is a nice fantasy. Sometimes spewing venom is easier when you don't have to see the results in person. And if you are too shy or nervous to deal with people in real life, anonymity is a relief. There is a feeling of freedom here, saying whatever you want without worrying about whether it's right or wrong.
Certainly nothing in this initial post is new or earth shaking. That's why the title is "baby steps". I'm not going for world changing. I just want to see if I am brave enough to put something of myself further out into the world and deal with the consequences. And maybe I just want to say all the things I bite my tongue on in real life.