Another bright move

Once upon a time, back when I worked for Dr Lisa, our regular UPS guy was an older man who liked to pick on me and he ended up giving me my most used nickname. I wore a particular brand of scrubs. The company that makes this brand sews a small tag on the right pocket of all of their shirts. Jimmy (the UPS guy) decides since that name appears on all my shirts it must be my nickname. And then he dared me to sign for packages using that name. And every time I call UPS the customer service rep gets the giggles.
Now 4 years later it's become a habit to use my nickname when signing for deliveries especially since my real last names are hard to spell. And it wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that I am a little distracted most days.
Not too long ago, one of the city employees came by the store to do a fire and safety inspection. Everything went fine until the end. Mr. Fireman hands me the form and tells me to sign the bottom. So I did, nice and pretty. Once again, did not even realize what I'd done until the guy looks at me, grins and says "Is this your legal name?" Yep, I signed my nickname. I kinda laughed and told him no, it was a nickname and signed my real name under my nickname.
Somewhere in the bowels of City Hall, there is an official gummint document signed "Peaches".

Heaven

is a po'boy made with fresh deer sausage. Spicy enough to bite back. Yum.

And a neat little test, I found it the other day while digging for studies on facial recognition. I scored a 92% which isn't bad.
Thought I'd throw this one in too, a test on recognition of famous faces. 93%, and I did better with male faces. Go figure.

One last place, Test My Brain. So far, so fun.

My giggles for the day

I can't tell you how many times I've heard this on the radio without paying a bit of attention. Usually I listen to CDs while driving but this evening coming home I finally got over the 3 day fixation with Flogging Molly. I ended up switching over to the radio just as this song came on. Damn near died laughing. It's the ultimate stalker song! Immediately reminded me of the story How The Wench Got Her Very Own Stalker Boy (no, I haven't told it, probably won't, it's a fairly typical story of my beloved BFF gaining a stalker . It was funny for us, because we laugh at inappropriate stuff, but not exactly something you can't fill in the blanks on). I kinda like the song, but seriously:

"You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me/And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart"

"there are days when outside your window"

"You reject my advances and desperate pleas/I won't let you let me down so easily"

Y'know what? I'm gonna make plans to hang out at The Wench's house, drink real coffee and talk trash about everyone we know. And let her know I've found a song that's gonna make her cringe and laugh. And just enjoy her and appreciate the fact that she's a part of my life.
And any guy who ever says he wants to possess my heart is gonna get smashed in the face with a hammer. Sorry, formaldehyde is so not my scent and really, I like my organs just where they are, thankyouverymuch. Not in a mason jar in granny's basement.

And just a few hours after I posted this, guess who I almost ran over? Stalker Boy. That "almost ran over" was literal btw, cuz the skeezy lil fucker was standing in the middle of the road. I didn't run over him, I'd have hated to mess my car up.

Well, it amuses me anyway

I would like to know where, in the Big Book o' Universal Laws, it says "M-A should spend an inordinate amount of time on her knees while at work." Cuz I'm gonna take a razor and slice that page out. I work at a book store, ferfuckssake. You'd think that would be a nice, quiet little job. And it probably would be except it's me, the person who can manage to do something silly or embarassing in the least likely circumstances.
The other day a customer came in looking for some old, out of print books. I'm blaming him for the entire thing, because really, what kind of grown man wants Lone Ranger books? (Joking there, I've been asked for stranger from stranger) So I tell him where to find them, he can't find them, I go back there to find them. If we had any, they'd have been on the bottom shelf on the sci-fi aisle (don't ask me why, that's just where we put them). Which is where me on my knees comes in. So there I is, on my knees, ankles crossed, checking the shelves. Didn't see any, but we've got stuff stacked on the floor a little further down the aisle. Instead of getting up and moving like anybody with common sense would do, I sat back on my heels, twisted my upper body around and leeeaaannneeedd over to look. Not at all a professional pose, unless you're a human pretzel. I turned my head to tell the guy I didn't see any and he is looking at me like I am outside my mind. And apparently I am, because I only then realized exactly what I looked like to the guy standing over me.

At least I managed to untwist and stand up gracefully. In heels, at that.

Stray thoughts

From things I've heard in passing lately, the problems with the nation's economy are not hitting as hard here in Louisiana. I'm not any kind of expert, as a matter of fact I'm pretty under-informed about the whole situation so I don't know if that's true or not. However, everytime someone talks about it in my hearing I think about a country song called "Song of the South" by Alabama. More specifically, I think of two lines from the second verse:

Well, somebody told us Wall Street fell
But we were so poor that we couldn't tell.

Even though the song is about the Depression, the lyrics make me think of quite a few of the people I know.

Thinking about all of this brings to mind the other stray thought. My toilet is making noises like a Yip-Yip and flushing itself at 6 am. What a lovely alarm clock. So either the plumbing has been invaded by fuzzy little aliens from the planet Henson or I'm about to discover an expensive problem. Yay for me. I'm calling my dad.

Sharing the lulz

I have a really warped sense of humor. But y'all know this already, right? And I love to read (this is also not a surprise). So when I find something that combines 2 of my favoritest things in the whole world, I gotta share.

Books and pervy funny:

(All links are pretty much NSFW. You've been warned)

Link #1 - Failblog. Pretty obvious dirty joke HERE. Reninded me of my favorite dirty story punchline. "EWW, what is that white stuff?"

Link #2 - Now this one is kinda gross. If you have issues with gory, skip this one, okay? If you click it, I'm not responsible for nightmares, nausea or nasty headaches. Chris's Invincible Super-Blog. Here's what you're looking for: click the link, scroll down past the first few pics, take a quick look at the picture of the ghost nurses (just because it causes an OMGWTF? moment), scroll past the ghost nurse closeup. Are you looking at the back of a guy in a blue coat? Good, cuz that's the one I'm talking about. Read the speech bubble. Spit coffee on keyboard. Choke, laugh and read again. I'm so passing that along to Mz Pitbull.

Link #3 - Sailor Jim the Storyteller on the subject of penises. If you've ever read a romance novel you understand the dilemma. And the humor of erect penii. Sorry fellas, but they are.

Link #4 - Saving the best for last. Candy from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books reviews Decadent. The review is hilarious, the comments are even more so and the LOLporn, oh yes the LOLporn. So make sure you click the link and read the comments. If the idea of teh buttsecks freaks you out, skip this one. Cuz there's lots of it. With descriptions and jokes and pictures even. I'll never be able to look at Lifesavers again.

By the way, everything here is Saysh's fault (thanks Saysh, I love you *smooch*) since she's the one who gave me the link to Smart Bitches in the first place. And Smart Bitches had the links to the other spots. Even Failblog, although I'd already seen it since Failblog is in my faves. Why did Saysh give me a link to Smart Bitches? Well, besides knowing I love to read, I'm pretty sure she wanted to pay me back for giving her the link to Desperately Seeking.....Something.

Long day

This is what I look like after sorting through 6 large boxes of funky, dusty used books. At least I'm smiling.

Sunshine and a friend

means it's time for a smoke break!

Happy weekend honeys!