And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest

I sit here staring at this screen, wondering how to find the words to express how very sad I am, knowing that no matter which words I choose, none will even come close to describing the true measure of loss I and many others feel at this moment.

A very wonderful man died yesterday. As a child, I called him Uncle George and have continued to do so occaisonally as an adult. Uncle George was co-owner of a local funeral home, started by his father and uncle, continued by George, his brother and his children. In a small Southern town, this means he touched the lives of nearly every person to live here in the last 65 years. I don't know many people in this area who, upon hearing his name, didn't recognize it and usually have a story to tell. George was a truly amazing person. Always ready with a smile and hug for someone who needed it, he provided support and caring at one of the most difficult times in our lives. George and his family handled Shadow's final arrangements and gave me the love and encouragement I desperately needed.
I don't think George, or anyone in his family, ever saw what they do as just a job. For them, it seems to be more of a calling, an outpouring of compassion and an example of what is truly meant by "a generous heart."
I know his family is grieving, hurt more deeply than I am. My heart breaks for all of them, the son who was my childhood playmate, the daughter whose friendship I cherish as an adult. His wife and other children, who I admire and respect. All of them, my tears are more for them than for myself. George's passing leaves a hole in this town, one that can never be filled. I know that it is much deeper for them.
I've copied something over to include here which made me cry and smile (the bolding is mine):

George asked for this special message to be shared in his obituary: “To all my friends, family, and loved ones: I was able to love because you let me love!! Spread it daily. Never let a day go by that you don’t tell someone who needs it that you love them. I am alright with my God. He knows my heart. I bet my life on Him. I ain’t worried. May that peace be all of yours. And never forget that service to humanity is the best work of life. And that today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

Those words are so very much how George lived, a small view of a large heart. So I sit, wiping tears, mourning the loss of such an incredible person. Sad to think that those who never met Uncle George will be denied the privilege and pleasure of his company. And I, who has not truly prayed in years, offer up a sincere prayer that God welcomes Uncle George with open arms and grants grace to his family. Rest in peace Uncle George, you will be missed by all of us.

Poetry.com

I recently submitted a second piece to Poetry.com. This one isn't entered into the big contest, since only one entry per 6 month period is allowed. I don't care, I just threw it out there anyway. Here it is:

Elegy

Contemplating freedom

spread my wings, and fly

so far away, gone

leave this pain

behind

Embrace the next

world, turn away

from the emptiness

of my present, the

grief of my past and

the despair of my

future

Such fragile bonds to

hold me here

staring at nothing

with my blind eyes

I liked it, and I ran it past a friend who understands grieving for a spouse. We e-mailed back and forth this afternoon about dealing with this. I wish I could do something more to help him, but I know there is absolutely nothing that helps. I'm just so lucky I have T, Wenchy-woman and Dad. So, my hope is that my buddy is doing a little better at the moment and that he will remember that I care about him, good days, bad days, even pain-in-the-ass days. Hugs to ya. Lots of hugs. And always a willing ear to listen.

broken

"I've been picking up pieces of a broke down life"

That's what I feel like I've been doing for three years now. Most of the time, it's like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together with only half the pieces.

And something as simple as a line from a song heard in passing can bring it all back.

Three years ago, I lost 3 family members in 4 months. Shadow, JJ, and Tony. Husband, sister, father-in-law. Most of the time, I do OK. Every once in a while, I get blind-sided by some stupid, trivial little thing, and hit bottom again. Today was one of those times. I spent the day dealing with memories of Shadow, and thoughts of "never again" running through my mind. Putting a life back together when so much of it was shared with someone who has died is not an easy task. Finding pieces of me, accepting that certain pieces are gone forever, and trying to make new ones. I still don't know what the picture will look like, but at least I'm trying. Just not today.

time doesn't heal, you just become accustomed

Relict

The light has fled, your eyes are dim

my own are blind in sorrow

Heart bled dry, no tears remain

This pain too great for me to bear

Grief a burden I cannot endure

Your love was my light

your life the sun of my world

Now I live in the darkness of your death

Clinging to the shadows and shades

I search for some glimmer of you

a reason to continue my journey

and I find nothing.

Temptation

Your voice steals through

my soul

luring me from twilight dreams

Offering yourself to ease

my pain

Do you even understand

this seduction you play?

No games, no rules

no safety, no promises

Just the hint

of change, the idea

of passion, the chance

of peace

And if I accept, will you own

me, body and soul?

If so, will I like it?