broken

"I've been picking up pieces of a broke down life"

That's what I feel like I've been doing for three years now. Most of the time, it's like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together with only half the pieces.

And something as simple as a line from a song heard in passing can bring it all back.

Three years ago, I lost 3 family members in 4 months. Shadow, JJ, and Tony. Husband, sister, father-in-law. Most of the time, I do OK. Every once in a while, I get blind-sided by some stupid, trivial little thing, and hit bottom again. Today was one of those times. I spent the day dealing with memories of Shadow, and thoughts of "never again" running through my mind. Putting a life back together when so much of it was shared with someone who has died is not an easy task. Finding pieces of me, accepting that certain pieces are gone forever, and trying to make new ones. I still don't know what the picture will look like, but at least I'm trying. Just not today.