Free will

Choices

I bound my soul in

this prison of flesh

My choice to wear these chains

And now, contrary child, I

search for freedom

Release me

Loose my soul wings, I need

to fly again

Climb so high only to

dive and climb again

I strain against this

cord, strangling

my life and remember

to my shame, I

chose this

Shameless

Okay, normally, I am not the type to do this, but I can't help myself this time. Recently, I submitted one of my poems, Temptation, to poetry.com. I've been getting e-mails from them the last couple of weeks. The first one was a notification that I had been chosen as a Poet Fellow for 2007, and inviting me to join the Poet Fellows Society. And of course, I could purchase the pin and medal commemorating this event. I kinda shook my head, and thought "Yeah, whatever" and went on with my day. A day later, I got an e-mail saying Temptation had been selected to receive the Editor's Choice Award, and my poem would be in the next anthology. They also want to include it on the CD set. Again, I shook my head and did a "yeah, whatever". Poetry.com sent me the same e-mail a second time, then sent another one about getting a plaque and offering membership in the International Society of Poets.
Today, when I went to the mailbox, I found a letter from Poetry.com. They are definitely publishing my poem in an anthology. According to the letter, the anthology Immortal Verses will be available in winter 2008. I am also moving forward a step in the competition. So now I am excited. This is the first time I have ever submitted something I wrote, so this is a big deal to me. If you want to read what I submitted, click here. Don't mind me, I'll just be sitting in my chair, grinning. :D

Still laughing

My favorite reaction to the engagement thing so far has been from The Mexican Mama. She looked at the ring on my hand, then looked up and asked, "So, did you say yes?"
A few minutes later, we were talking about this being a third marriage for both T and me. The Mexican Mama says "Third time's the charm!" T grinned and said "Or else it's three strikes, you're OUT!" The Mexican looked over at me, laughed and said if I needed help knocking him out I should let her know. She calls T cabrón and smacks him every time she sees him.

BTW, The Mexican Mama is the one who started "The Mexican" thing, I just added in Mama because she is one of my adopted moms. So don't give me any grief over it. And her granddaughter's nickname is The Bean.

a week in pictures

Just because I can, I'm posting some pictures taken in the last week. I've gotta do something to justify all the playing around with a camera we've been doing! This is what has been going on since last Thursday: I hang out at Wenchy's house a lot. Wenchy is my best friend, mainly because she is more throwed off than I am. It's nice to be the normal one in a relationship! (Just joking girl, you know we are about even!)

My dad got married Saturday night. That's my dad (first from the left), his new wife Margie, and the Reverend and his wife. Rev and his wife are very sweet. That man is 89 and still preaches every Sunday! The next one is (from the left) me, Dad, Margie and Margie's grandson Colt.

Photo removed, sorry.
That's T. I've known him since I was 18. My older brother was married to his younger sister back then. After Shadow and JJ (his sister) died within months of each other, those of us left became closer. We all started making an effort to keep in touch. Somehow this developed into T and I dating. For the last two years, we've been a couple, and when he's not off working on pipelines, we live together. Which brings me to the last picture:

Yep, that's the ring T gave me last night! So, I'm getting married again.

I've gotten some pretty varied reactions from my loved ones. Wenchy-woman (the girlfriend)said "No fucking way!" over and over and then laughed her ass off. My brother (the one who was married to T's sister) said to tell T "Quit stalking me!" My dad laughed and my mom doesn't know yet. Haven't told the rest of the sibs yet either. Boss Lady got excited, and my friends say I should keep him just because he picks out pretty jewelry. Also, according to the friends, I should hang on to anyone brave enough to volunteer to live with me!

Anyway, that's the highlights of my last seven days. I've got more pics, but I think I'll save them for a day when I feel like talking about my family, in all their glorious weirdness.

Oh. My. God.

I got engaged last night!

Nobody ever said it was fair!

No One Gets Out Alive

A toss of the dice

The gods, rolling bones

As always, I lose

Place your bets

Play the game and

Take your chances

With Fate

Damn! Snake eyes

Better luck next time, pretty lady

So you ride the Wheel again

Always choosing

Always gambling

The ultimate game

Life

Just remember...

The gods cheat!

Justice in Pennsylvania?

Apparently, some of the people in Pennsylvania have lost their minds lately. The first two stories really upset me, so I was glad to see that at least some of these people were just loony, not power-maddened asses.

• In Philadelphia: Judge Teresa Carr Deni should be asked to step down. Her Dishonor decided that a defendant who participated in the gang rape of a woman should not be prosecuted for rape and assault. Instead, she held the guy on an armed robbery/theft of services charge, since his victim was a prostitute. Read Jill Porter's story, which includes an interview with Judge Deni.
• Scranton: Police charged a woman for cussing inside her house. Apparently, people in Penn. are not allowed to use profanity inside their homes. I want to know why the cop didn't get in trouble for hanging out under the lady's bathroom window.
• Pittsburgh: A woman is trapped under an SUV while spying on her husband.

Down Under High Jinks

Australian man survives nine-storey fall in his underpants
Well, at least it wasn't cigarette butts and beer bottles falling from the ninth story. Every apartment complex has at least one nut who can't help himself. Someone who is simply unable to pass up a chance to "skylark". Late at night, clad only in underwear, and possibly intoxicated.

Some people will put anything in their mouths

Especially when the person is an idiot. Why would a man take female hormones? Apparently, to make money and please his boss. What a moron. I put this in the same category as Larry-boy and the Pants man.

Things that made me smile today

This is Skye, my min pin. Doesn't she look sweet and innocent? On my pillow, in my reading chair. Like she owns the place of something. Gotta love a dog that's so convinced she is queen of the universe.

And this is the Tshirt I got. I collect shirts with slogans. I know, weird. But it's fun. Plus, I get to offend or amuse without ever opening my mouth. "Ascend Until Your Wings Catch Fire" Sounds great, but it also brings to mind Icarus. Maybe I should be cautious of large bodies of water.

Anyway, the best thing to make me smile all day was hearing from T. The Marion job is nearing completion and they may get some time off. Maybe, if everything works out. So I'm crossing my fingers and toes, hoping T's company decides to give him at least a week to come home. Also hoping T's time off doesn't coincide with Boss Lady's 10 days at the lake house. That would suck.

Excuse me while I vent

Tips for making your book shopping a more enjoyable experience:

1. Money goes in your wallet, not your bra, shoe, or the inside pocket of your workout shorts. I really don't want to touch any cash you have unearthed from some crevice on your body. If you withdraw funds from the First National Bank of Titty, I'm going to lay a napkin on the counter and tell you to put your money on that. I'm not going to touch it with bare skin. If you carry your money in your pocket and your job involves heavy sweating, wrap the money in a baggie, for god's sake!
2. Don't be a jerk. Pissing off the person who decides which books you can get trade credit on is a bad idea. Being nasty to the only person working is a guaranteed way to insure the minimum level of service. There are ways to be polite while not being helpful, and anyone who works in a store knows every way there is. Also, abusive language is a no-no, since Boss Lady says we can refuse service to people who go that route.
3. Don't bring in trash. We don't give credit for books with missing covers, loose pages, stains or nasty odors. Throw them away. If the book is old but not antique, we probably don't want it. If we can't sell the book to another customer, you aren't going to get credit for it. And don't argue or get mad because we won't take your junk. See tip #2.
4. Don't bring in your pets. We are not Pet Smart or Toys R Us. If you can't keep an eye on the dog or kids, leave them at home. If your pet makes a mess, clean it up. If I have to clean up your mess, I'm going to let you know about it.
5. Don't be an idiot. If you ask a question, listen to the answer. Third aisle on the left is not the same as second aisle on the right. If you wanted Woodiwiss and you're looking at Clancy, you weren't paying attention. Also, please have some idea of what you want before you come in. Never ask for "that weight loss book on TV" without having a little more info on it. Title, author or ISBN.
6. Don't pretend to be Boss Lady's best friend. I've already met her family and several of her friends. I know who is on her list of preferred customers. Trying to intimidate me into giving you a discount because you know my boss isn't going to work. Telling me "Dorie always did it" doesn't work either. First, Dorie doesn't work here anymore. Second, I asked Dorie and she said she never did that for you. So now you look like a liar, and a bad one at that.
7. Say thank you once in a damned while. If you spent an hour hunting down some off-the-wall book for someone you would expect them to say thanks. If you don't show at least a little appreciation, chances are the next time you come in no one will be willing to put any extra effort out for you.

My favorite customer today was the Seattle guy who heard me muttering "god, I need a cigarette" and told me he would take a break from shopping to go smoke with me. Mark goes on the list for the same reason. Reva, Mz Pitbull and Mrs. Lily always say thanks. Those ladies are wonderfully fun, courteous customers. Most of the rest need to shape the hell up.

Now I feel better.

Visions and dreams

This Burning Soul

Walk to my pyre proudly

Wearing my crown of fire and thorns

To be free of this ice

I have seached a thousand

years for this beginning

Flames rise behind my eyes

Serpent of fire

writhing in my soul

Flame of glory

burn away this prison of flesh

You see this burning soul

Don't pity me

I have found the secret

To burn is all I desire.

update - One would have been enough

There wasn't supposed to be any speculating. Apparently, there was no need to speculate:
More on the rubber suit wearing Baptist preacher from Alabama
This is supposed to be the unsanitized version of the medical examiner's report.

broken

"I've been picking up pieces of a broke down life"

That's what I feel like I've been doing for three years now. Most of the time, it's like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together with only half the pieces.

And something as simple as a line from a song heard in passing can bring it all back.

Three years ago, I lost 3 family members in 4 months. Shadow, JJ, and Tony. Husband, sister, father-in-law. Most of the time, I do OK. Every once in a while, I get blind-sided by some stupid, trivial little thing, and hit bottom again. Today was one of those times. I spent the day dealing with memories of Shadow, and thoughts of "never again" running through my mind. Putting a life back together when so much of it was shared with someone who has died is not an easy task. Finding pieces of me, accepting that certain pieces are gone forever, and trying to make new ones. I still don't know what the picture will look like, but at least I'm trying. Just not today.

One would have been enough

Alabama, Baptist preacher, rubber, bondage
but no speculating!

I didn't mean to...

Since somebody shared a little trip down memory lane involving reptiles, it got me thinking about my own memories. I once owned a red tailed boa named Cesar. I bought him from a 6' tall crazy burnout Alaskan chick. He had a few issues. Between the two of us, we managed to give the UPS guy a case of mental anguish.
When I was 18, I moved to Metairie. Way back then, I had a few bad habits. Like not wearing clothes once I got inside the apartment. And not worrying too much about answering the door bare assed naked if I knew who was on the other side. Everything was OK until the day I was waiting for my friend Russ to show up. When I heard someone knocking, I thought it was Russ so I just opened the door. It wasn't Russ. There stood the UPS guy, looking just a little suprised. But he was grinning, at least for the first 30 seconds. That brings me to the second (or third?) bad habit: letting Cesar the snake roam the apartment. See, I let him out when I was home alone. When I thought Russ was knocking, I picked Cesar up and draped him across my shoulders. He decided that he wanted to be wrapped around my head instead. I opened the door with a boa wrapped around my ponytail, his chin resting on my forehead. And then Cesar moved, the UPS guy realized the naked girl had a live snake on her head, and all hell broke loose. He screamed "It's alive", dropped the package, and took off at a dead run. Didn't even wait for me to sign for the package. The next time we got a package, some young guy brought it, said the previous guy told the boss he would never come back to the building even if they fired him. I started getting dressed to answer the door.
Sorry, UPS guy, where ever you are.

I think she knew

Sen. Larry Craig's wife contributed This Recipe to Congress Cooks! Larry thinks it's a great snack.

It's that time of year again

Paean

The land welcomes me

Earth Mother opens Her

arms to embrace this child

Life follows Her

rhythms and by Her

we are blessed

from the Goddess we

come and to Her we

shall return

Life to Life and

back again.

Maybe this piece would be more appropriate for Spring, but truthfully, I needed the reminder that Autumn is an important part of the cycle. Harvest, celebrate, and get ready to rest for winter. Honor those who are gone, and look toward renewal. It's not here yet, but everyday it's closer. You can't have life without death, harvest without planting. Autumn and winter are necessary for spring and summer. Besides, who can resist crunching through piles of leaves and lighting bonfires?

Playing with language

Do you know what chiasmus is? Nope, it's not a rare medical condition. Unless you consider humorous wordplay to be contagious. The following sentence is an example of chiasmus:
I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was. (Thank you Toby Keith)

I had never heard the term until I ran across a book titled Viva La Repartee! by Dr. Mardy Grothe. I enjoyed the book so much, I went to the associated website. From there, I found two more sites - chiasmus.com and oxymoronica.com.
Back to chiasmus. Chiasmus is defined as a reversal in the order of words in two otherwise parallel phrases. Take a look at the example above. See it? Once I had a definition, I found several more examples, sayings everyone is familiar with. "Quitters never win, winners never quit." I'm sure everyone has heard that one a time or two.

I enjoy wordplay, of any kind. This one however, fascinates me, simply because without knowing the word, I knew exactly what chiasmus was. Bet you did too.

just a quickie

Sometimes I have a really warped sense of humor. These two news stories gave me a chuckle.

Erotic Corn Dog Eating Contest - yes it exists. The end of the article was a little more serious. I really enjoyed the official statement of "We don't have anything to do with it" when the contest was held right outside the administration building for 4 years. It just means the fair's big hoo-ha enjoyed it until caught.

So Whaddya Think? - the last line just topped it all off. Plus, if the clerk didn't respond with somethin ala Bernadette from Pink Cadillac (It looks like a penis, only smaller), I'm thinking she should have.

Sometimes, I just have to share.

I tried, but...

I've been more scatter-brained than usual this week, so random thoughts it is.

Crime and Punishment:
I have very mixed feelings about capital punishment and the prison system. On the one hand, I think anyone who has been proven,without a doubt, to commit a crime should be punished. Crimes like premeditated murder, child molestation, and rape should be punishable by death, at the least. On the other hand, I don't automatically believe everyone who has been convicted of a crime is a waste of skin, scum of the earth, etc. I knew the author of this story very well, and I considered him to be extremely intelligent, generous and compassionate. He was also a stubborn, arrogant SOB. People commit crimes for a wide variety of reasons, so maybe we should all be a little less inclined to judge people on their pasts.

Religion:
I had another one of those "Yikes!" moments today. This one occurred when a customer invited me to "meet with a cell of like-minded individuals" at a local church. The phrase "cell of like-minded individuals" made me think of Klan meetings and milita groups. Since I seriously doubt the man has any idea what my beliefs actually are (I don't discuss my religious beliefs at work, since I mostly like my job), I just thanked him for the invitation, and redirected the conversation.

Politics:
Wouldn't you just know it? I got home one day last week, and I was really looking forward to a hot shower. I mean, really looking forward to it. So much so that there was a trail of clothes from the front door to the bathroom. Just as I found a clip to pin my hair up, somebody knocks on the door. By the time I threw on shorts and shirt and opened the door, the knocker had gone. But he left me a political flyer stuck on my door. Right under the "No Soliciting" sign. I guess everyone around here thinks the word soliciting only has to do with prostitution. Even if that were true, it would still apply in this case, since in my opinion, all politicians are whores anyway.

Sex:
I don't understand why people get so uptight about sex. It's the most enjoyable, and funniest, thing a person can do to or with another (or more, whatever rings your bell). That doesn't apply to non-consensual sex or child molestation, which are sick. But between consenting adults, of whatever gender and number, well, have a ball (or two)! Too many people worry way too damn much about others' sex lives. I pretty much don't care, if I am not the person sleeping with you, then it's none of my business. So, I would appreciate the same courtesy in return. Unless I'm among friends, and then, it depends on just how close we are. Feel free to tell me a raunchy joke or two, I love 'em!

There, I think I've hit most of the taboo subjects. Don't take it so serious, I don't.

funny, in a creepy sort of way

One of the regular customers at the store rushed in today, a little agitated, and talked to the owner. Since I was standing there, I got to hear the following conversation:

Bluehair Zealot: I came to tell you, you have to take all
of Grisham's stuff off the shelves! Right now!!

Boss Lady: Why?

Bluehair Zealot: Because I heard he had a fundraiser. And

it was for Hilary Clinton! So you have to get rid of his stuff!

Come on, I'll even help you! You just can't sell books by someone who supports Hilary Clinton!!!

Boss Lady managed to steer the bluehair into talking about where Hilary and Grisham are from, and then distracted her by showing her the new arrivals in christian fiction. At first, I was sort of amused, but thinking about it later, the incident gave me the willies. Banning a book because the author supposedly hosted a fundraiser for a political idiot? (I didn't bother to find out if he did or not, I couldn't care less.) That mentality scares me, and reminds me of the reason religious fanatics should be avoided.