Excuse me while I vent

Tips for making your book shopping a more enjoyable experience:

1. Money goes in your wallet, not your bra, shoe, or the inside pocket of your workout shorts. I really don't want to touch any cash you have unearthed from some crevice on your body. If you withdraw funds from the First National Bank of Titty, I'm going to lay a napkin on the counter and tell you to put your money on that. I'm not going to touch it with bare skin. If you carry your money in your pocket and your job involves heavy sweating, wrap the money in a baggie, for god's sake!
2. Don't be a jerk. Pissing off the person who decides which books you can get trade credit on is a bad idea. Being nasty to the only person working is a guaranteed way to insure the minimum level of service. There are ways to be polite while not being helpful, and anyone who works in a store knows every way there is. Also, abusive language is a no-no, since Boss Lady says we can refuse service to people who go that route.
3. Don't bring in trash. We don't give credit for books with missing covers, loose pages, stains or nasty odors. Throw them away. If the book is old but not antique, we probably don't want it. If we can't sell the book to another customer, you aren't going to get credit for it. And don't argue or get mad because we won't take your junk. See tip #2.
4. Don't bring in your pets. We are not Pet Smart or Toys R Us. If you can't keep an eye on the dog or kids, leave them at home. If your pet makes a mess, clean it up. If I have to clean up your mess, I'm going to let you know about it.
5. Don't be an idiot. If you ask a question, listen to the answer. Third aisle on the left is not the same as second aisle on the right. If you wanted Woodiwiss and you're looking at Clancy, you weren't paying attention. Also, please have some idea of what you want before you come in. Never ask for "that weight loss book on TV" without having a little more info on it. Title, author or ISBN.
6. Don't pretend to be Boss Lady's best friend. I've already met her family and several of her friends. I know who is on her list of preferred customers. Trying to intimidate me into giving you a discount because you know my boss isn't going to work. Telling me "Dorie always did it" doesn't work either. First, Dorie doesn't work here anymore. Second, I asked Dorie and she said she never did that for you. So now you look like a liar, and a bad one at that.
7. Say thank you once in a damned while. If you spent an hour hunting down some off-the-wall book for someone you would expect them to say thanks. If you don't show at least a little appreciation, chances are the next time you come in no one will be willing to put any extra effort out for you.

My favorite customer today was the Seattle guy who heard me muttering "god, I need a cigarette" and told me he would take a break from shopping to go smoke with me. Mark goes on the list for the same reason. Reva, Mz Pitbull and Mrs. Lily always say thanks. Those ladies are wonderfully fun, courteous customers. Most of the rest need to shape the hell up.

Now I feel better.