Well, it amuses me anyway

I would like to know where, in the Big Book o' Universal Laws, it says "M-A should spend an inordinate amount of time on her knees while at work." Cuz I'm gonna take a razor and slice that page out. I work at a book store, ferfuckssake. You'd think that would be a nice, quiet little job. And it probably would be except it's me, the person who can manage to do something silly or embarassing in the least likely circumstances.
The other day a customer came in looking for some old, out of print books. I'm blaming him for the entire thing, because really, what kind of grown man wants Lone Ranger books? (Joking there, I've been asked for stranger from stranger) So I tell him where to find them, he can't find them, I go back there to find them. If we had any, they'd have been on the bottom shelf on the sci-fi aisle (don't ask me why, that's just where we put them). Which is where me on my knees comes in. So there I is, on my knees, ankles crossed, checking the shelves. Didn't see any, but we've got stuff stacked on the floor a little further down the aisle. Instead of getting up and moving like anybody with common sense would do, I sat back on my heels, twisted my upper body around and leeeaaannneeedd over to look. Not at all a professional pose, unless you're a human pretzel. I turned my head to tell the guy I didn't see any and he is looking at me like I am outside my mind. And apparently I am, because I only then realized exactly what I looked like to the guy standing over me.

At least I managed to untwist and stand up gracefully. In heels, at that.

Stray thoughts

From things I've heard in passing lately, the problems with the nation's economy are not hitting as hard here in Louisiana. I'm not any kind of expert, as a matter of fact I'm pretty under-informed about the whole situation so I don't know if that's true or not. However, everytime someone talks about it in my hearing I think about a country song called "Song of the South" by Alabama. More specifically, I think of two lines from the second verse:

Well, somebody told us Wall Street fell
But we were so poor that we couldn't tell.

Even though the song is about the Depression, the lyrics make me think of quite a few of the people I know.

Thinking about all of this brings to mind the other stray thought. My toilet is making noises like a Yip-Yip and flushing itself at 6 am. What a lovely alarm clock. So either the plumbing has been invaded by fuzzy little aliens from the planet Henson or I'm about to discover an expensive problem. Yay for me. I'm calling my dad.

Sharing the lulz

I have a really warped sense of humor. But y'all know this already, right? And I love to read (this is also not a surprise). So when I find something that combines 2 of my favoritest things in the whole world, I gotta share.

Books and pervy funny:

(All links are pretty much NSFW. You've been warned)

Link #1 - Failblog. Pretty obvious dirty joke HERE. Reninded me of my favorite dirty story punchline. "EWW, what is that white stuff?"

Link #2 - Now this one is kinda gross. If you have issues with gory, skip this one, okay? If you click it, I'm not responsible for nightmares, nausea or nasty headaches. Chris's Invincible Super-Blog. Here's what you're looking for: click the link, scroll down past the first few pics, take a quick look at the picture of the ghost nurses (just because it causes an OMGWTF? moment), scroll past the ghost nurse closeup. Are you looking at the back of a guy in a blue coat? Good, cuz that's the one I'm talking about. Read the speech bubble. Spit coffee on keyboard. Choke, laugh and read again. I'm so passing that along to Mz Pitbull.

Link #3 - Sailor Jim the Storyteller on the subject of penises. If you've ever read a romance novel you understand the dilemma. And the humor of erect penii. Sorry fellas, but they are.

Link #4 - Saving the best for last. Candy from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books reviews Decadent. The review is hilarious, the comments are even more so and the LOLporn, oh yes the LOLporn. So make sure you click the link and read the comments. If the idea of teh buttsecks freaks you out, skip this one. Cuz there's lots of it. With descriptions and jokes and pictures even. I'll never be able to look at Lifesavers again.

By the way, everything here is Saysh's fault (thanks Saysh, I love you *smooch*) since she's the one who gave me the link to Smart Bitches in the first place. And Smart Bitches had the links to the other spots. Even Failblog, although I'd already seen it since Failblog is in my faves. Why did Saysh give me a link to Smart Bitches? Well, besides knowing I love to read, I'm pretty sure she wanted to pay me back for giving her the link to Desperately Seeking.....Something.

Long day

This is what I look like after sorting through 6 large boxes of funky, dusty used books. At least I'm smiling.

Sunshine and a friend

means it's time for a smoke break!

Happy weekend honeys!

The tackiest gift I've ever given

It all started with an e-mail from Amy. One of those nickname ones. This one was stripper nicknames. Of course, once I figured mine out (no, I'm not telling), I passed it along to a few more friends. Because I'm sweet like that and I wanted to share the joy.

Mz Pitbull was one of the people I sent it to and she made the mistake of telling me her new stripper name. And since we are such good friends and I like her sooo much...

Ta - daaahh! Merry Christmas Montana Glitterthong!!

(Yep, that's her name written across the butt!)

And kids, you can't buy tacky like that. You gotta go to Wal-mart and get the fixins and put it together your ownself. Which is just what I did. One pair of shiny hot pink panties, 3 feet of beaded fringe, pink skull iron-on appliques and a whole bottle of silver glitter paint. Add a hot glue gun and voila! you got some serious tack goin' on. The only thing missing is feathers, but only because I couldn't find any.

God only knows what she'll come up with as revenge but whatever it is, this is worth it!

Christmas is coming!

Speeding at me like a derailed bullet train. (Do bullet trains derail? And if they do, do they keep going so fast? Eh, who cares, I like it so I'm using it.)

Anyways, I've been a bit Scroogey this year. Well, a lot Scroogey actually, but I'm working on it. Now if I can just figure out a way to make everyone cooperate...

Hello, is this the Acme Corporation? Yes, I'm interested in mind-control gadgets? You have them? Great! How powerful? Weeelll...
Oh. Nobody makes one powerful enough to handle last-minute shoppers and neurotic relatives?
Sigh. Now I'll have to think up something else for Santa to bring me.

At least I can listen to my all time favorite Christmas song without getting weird looks. People really do think you're strange if you sing carols in July. Especially this one: