I haven't posted any poetry or stories in a while, not mine or Shadow's. I just haven't been in the mood lately. I haven't written anything new in a while and wasn't up to reading Shadow's stuff. I'm proud of myself, I've managed to sort through some of his books and decide what to keep and what to let go. I'm trying to nerve up to do the same with all the computer stuff. Hey it's only taken me 4 years to let go of guilt and grief and start to find some peace. Every once in a while the pain is still a sharp slice but these days it's mostly a dull ache I've come to accept as part of my daily routine. And even that has started to ease. Mostly I can remember the good times, smile and keep going. Progress indeed.
I've also felt a little weird about blogging lately. Knowing that a few people I actually know IRL (Hey Lynn!) read this didn't really bother me much. Finding out that a specific someone has been reading this on the sly kinda did. I don't know why, since I tell all this stuff when asked. It just did, so I left a bunch of stuff unwritten. Yesterday I decided I was being incredibly silly, even for me. So, I'm back to just blurting out whatever thought passes through my head, never mind the consequences.
Or maybe it's all due to a lack of umm..."inspiration"
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I think it's normal to have those thoughts of "who's reading this?" and to, intentionally or not, change what you write. I try to write what comes to mind regardless, but sometimes it doesn't happen when I'm writing about bedroom antics ;)
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ReplyDeletei wanted to rephrase - i wouldn't have cared with this person except for the way it was done. hurt my feelings but good. other than that, i pretty much think as long as my grandmother never reads this it's ok. anyone else doesn't bother me, if i put it here i'm good with whoever knowing.
ReplyDelete(((morpho))) I'm glad you're healing. Not that your loss isn't there, but that you've made room for it in your life, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteI have kind of winced after I went back and read a few of the things I've posted, but I've stopped myself from deleting them. I think in my case, I've mostly hidden a lot of that stuff from people I know in real life, and it wasn't really necessary for me to do so. I have told all my friends and family about my blogs, but most of them don't read them, I'm not sure why.